Wondering what to do

Last weekend I found out that I can't do what I was hoping to do with Kate when I went back to work. Now I don't know what to do. The thought of daycare makes me cry, plus stresses me out. It would be pointless for me to put her in daycare it would cost me my whole check. I can't quit my job, first because my job is where I get mine and Kate's health insurance; second my check pays our car payment and our groceries. I keep hoping for a miracle, but so far nothing.

Slight Rant

Over the last few weeks I have been asked if Kate is a good baby. I usually just politely say yes, and drop the subject. I honestly don't believe that just because a baby cries it is a bad baby. I don't believe babies can be "bad". They can cry a lot, but that is their only means of communication right now. So they cry when they are hungry, they cry when they are tired, they cry when they want attention, they cry when their diaper needs to be changed, and sometimes they cry to cry.
I just really wish that people would quit trying to label a baby as bad or good. They are just babies!!

Books & Reading

It seems like everyone is coming up with their own e-reader.
This is Amazon's Kindle


This is Barnes & Nobles' Nook


This is Border's Kobo


It is kind of cool that you can fit so many books in one place. I know the Nook can store about 1,500 books. However I have to say that I enjoy curling up on a couch somewhere with an actual book in hand. It is not the same with the e-readers, it loses the comfort of it. So even though I have a ton of books, and no where to really put them. I would much rather have a physical book then one of the many e-readers.
The e-readers are simple, and clean. However they are just missing something. I love to read, and I love books. One thing I would like in our next house is somewhere I can turn into a reading loft, a sort of library. I love books, and I can read a book several times. To me books are better then movies.

Speaking of books better then movies, I remembered part of a book that I didn't read that I am wondering what book it was. I believe it was a book my supervisor at work was listening to on CD (I know I didn't read it otherwise I would remember more of the book then I do). It is driving me nuts!!

Today's thoughts

Kate is now a week old, really one week and one day. Everyday is a challenge for me, because this is all so new to me. I am often surprised at some of the things my little girl does. I swear she smiles even though they say she is too little. She loves to be held, especially when she wants to sleep. I have found that she loves to lay in the middle of my chest with her ear towards me (probably to listen to my heart beat, since it was a constant sound for her before she was born). If Kraig tries to lay her on his chest, she squirms. She has been trying to lift her head, since the day she was born, she has already head butt Kraig a couple of times. Kraig thinks her head butting him is great, especially since he wants to put her in kick boxing and Jiu Jitsu when she is old enough. She also seems very alert all the time, and has since she was born. We need to take her to a specialist for craniosynostosis. Kraig has it, and her head was oddly shaped when she came out, so they think she may have it, I am praying she doesn't need surgery. There are times I swear she is gasping for breath, it always scares me. I have found her with her left arm sticking straight in the air while she is sleeping a few times, I think it is kind of funny. She loves binky's, she doesn't really care what kind either. I don't let her sleep with a binky though, I am worried about something happening. She is currently sleeping on my bed next to me, I swear some how she moved from where I put her, she is closer to me then I thought she had been. Does that mean she is going to start rolling over early? Sometimes she squeaks in her sleep, we have for now nicknamed her Squeakers. We took her to the pediatrician's yesterday, I forgot her bottle and her binky, and she was so very mad. I felt so bad. I was trying not to cry. Are my emotions going to go back to normal anytime soon? I am seriously wondering what color her eyes are going to be, Kraig thinks blue. I guess we will see.
Things have been a little frustrating for me during the last week. Everything has changed, I don't know what normal life will be like for a while, but I do know it won't be what it was before. I just hope that I can do this without totally messing it up.
Also I watched a video that made me cry. This lady is incredible, here is the video (sorry the edge gets cut off, that is the smallest size they have)

Fill in the blank

I got this from my cousin-in-law Emily. Just as warning due to current frustrations, this may contain to much information for some, so don't complain if it is, I warned you.

I want sleep.

I can't get enough of my baby.

I think batteries are expensive, especially since so many things require them.

I think it's annoying that everyone keeps trying to tell me breast feeding is easy.

I'm not sure i like trying to pump instead of breast feed either, it is just a major chore. Plus it takes just as much time as trying to feed her, and catch up on sleep. I really don't think I am ever going to get things done anymore.

I'm hungry when I think about it, but I really should eat more often, it messes with my moods when I don't.

For Cinco De Mayo I cooked nothing, Kraig warmed up Sloppy Joe's though.

I'm mad that so many people are trying to lecture me on how to breast feed, and that my baby is feed formula. GRRR!!! I know that breast milk is better, but it isn't easy for everyone people!!!

I'm glad that I can usually sleep from about 6:00pm to 9:00pm, that is when Kraig is home, and after dinner.

I'm nervous about going back to work, I really don't want to. If anyone knows of a good stay at home job, that doesn't require spending money, and I can work when I want, please let me know.

I have a headache. It has been a long day.

I need to sleep, so that I can stay up with the baby tonight. She really has her days and nights mixed up. Maybe tonight won't be so bad...who am I kidding she already slept for about 4 hours straight.

I wish that I knew what I was going to do for Kraig's birthday in a few weeks. Plus I haven't even thought about Mother's day...I doubt I am going shopping anytime soon either :(

I'm excited that it is almost the weekend, maybe I can catch up on sleep.

I'm happy that Kate has gained 8 ounces since we left the hospital.


Now you fill in the blank.

Thank you!

I just want to say, my husband is awesome!! Thank you Sweets for everything!!

We are home!

Sorry I couldn't do this blog earlier, but the internet at the hospital was dumb. We couldn't log into email, or upload photo's, and the only reason we were able to even do Facebook is because we happened to have my iPod with us, however Kraig did manage to updated Linux on his laptop.
Kate was born Thursday morning at 12:05am, she weighed 7lbs 6oz, and was 19 inches long. Here are a couple of pictures.



I love this one of Kraig and Kate, but he hates it.


I hate this one of me, so Kraig can't complain too much :)