Random Thoughts

From Kate

Kate is almost two!! I can hardly believe it. I keep debating if I want to just do cake and ice cream at my in-laws, or do a small party with a few other two year old kids. I know she won't really remember it, but it is still a special day. I want her birthdays to always be special for her.

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Migraines are horrible, I swear one of these days my head is going to kill me.

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I recently started trying to drink herbal tea for my migraines. With my stress level through the roof, my migraines have been almost constant for the last few months. I have learned that herbal tea doesn't taste nearly as strong as I thought it would, unless it has cinnamon. I don't think I have finished a single cup of tea. I have only made five or so cups of it, and I can't seem to drink it all. In fact I once had peppermint tea that all I did was smell it. Maybe it is because I have no idea if I am even doing it right...

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I just finished a good book, eventually I will do a book review for it and put it on my book review blog, found here.

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A friend also lent me another book. It is called Positive Discipline: For Preschoolers. I am finding that I agree with somethings (no yelling, screaming, spanking, etc), however I am finding that I am disagreeing with other things (no punishing, no time outs for kids under 3). I think if a two year old is mad and hitting you, they deserve to go in time out. Maybe it is the part of me that doesn't like change, that does not like those parts of the book.

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I recently started drinking fruit infused water. It has made drinking water so much easier. All I do is put chunks of fruit in the bottom of a pitcher and let it sit in the fridge over night. Than in the morning I fill up my water bottle and take it to work with me. I don't even add any sugar. I love it! I do have to say that I am looking forward to summer when fruit it cheaper.

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By the way I tried to drink some tea today to help my headache, so far I don't think it has helped. I need to find something for them.

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I can't believe it is almost March! Being an adult time seems to fly by, and it really doesn't matter if you are having fun or not. Time doesn't stop, it just keeps ticking on.

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I found a quote on Pinterest that I love! I don't know who said it but I completely agree with it. "Don't let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours."
I don't think anyone ever really talked me out of going after my dreams, mainly because I didn't really have any. I think that is why I have such a hard time doing new things.

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Some days I think I should start writing in a journal again.

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Some days, all I want is to sit down with a really good friend and talk. Too bad that simple idea is so hard to accomplish with life getting in the away. But doesn't that sound nice to sit down with a friend and talk, either over lunch, or a yummy dessert?? I know a few people that would say over coffee, but I don't drink it.

Complaint

Alright, I have a complaint.
Why do so many people here have to be so judgmental??
I have seen so many people judge a situation when they have no idea what is going on. I have seen people judge others just because of their hair color.
What gives those people a right to judge someone else, or their life? No body is perfect, and NOBODY see the whole picture.
So I ask please don't decide what someone else is doing wrong, please don't decide that if someone has blue hair that they aren't worth knowing. You can't judge someone you don't know. You can't judge a situation unless you are in the middle of it.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward cappearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” ~Mother Teresa

Kids

From Kate

Kate is almost two, I can hardly believe how fast time flies. She has entered into the terrible two stage. Complete meltdowns, temper tantrums, and everything in between are becoming a daily occurrence. Some mornings just trying to get her dressed is a fight. If the next two years are this way, I am in trouble. There are times I have such a hard time keeping my patience with her. Sometimes I have to just put her in time out and walk away. However sometimes that is not really an option, like when we need to get ready to leave in the morning.

I know several people that are pregnant right now. I must be different than most women. I hated being pregnant, and I remember most of the details. In fact I still have a rib that hurts from Kate kicking it out of place. Kate is hard enough for me to handle I don't believe I could handle another, plus I don't have the money to have another baby. So as of right now we are not planning on having another baby for a while.

Right Now

From Misc.

As I stated in my last post. I have been becoming more wrapped up in myself, and what is wrong in my little world. Which right now is a lot. I have had my hours and pay cut at work. I will now be paying my babysitter half of my pay check every week. Plus we have some major bills that we need to take care of, and I am so stressed by all of this that it is making me sick to my stomach.
With all that said, I don't know what to do. I probably should find a second job or something, but I can't seems to make myself. Some of this stems from fear. The fear of never seeing my husband, the fear of never seeing my daughter, and even the fear of failure and rejection. It is very scary to start a new job, at least for me. I am kind of good at a few things, but not really great at one thing. I am awkward, and clunky. Since I just can’t understand spending lots of money on just one outfit I am not stylish.
My real issue is that with all of this frustration, and not being able to really focus on others. I am having a hard time even focusing on my little family. Kraig wouldn't tell me if he needed something (he is an Oaks, and anyone married to an Oaks knows what I am talking about). However Kate does need me, but with how stressed I am, I am not of any good to her right now. The other day she wanted to play, and I was trying to be a good mom by not turning on the TV, so I tried to play with her. After 30 minutes of Kate bouncing on me, and me just feeling like she was just beating me up. I was done. I can’t entertain her, I can’t be what she needs right now.
Taking a step back, and trying to have a positive attitude is nearly impossible for me right now. I try, and I try to focus on my family, but something always sucks me back. I often hope for a miracle, some nice wonderful person gives us a large lump sum, or something along those lines. I know the chances of that happening are beyond nonexistent, so I just keep trying to take care of everything on my own.
I have thought about going to school, but it is pointless, what in the crap would I be good at. I am overly emotional, I am tired of leaving my daughter with someone else all day, and we are barely scrapping by so me getting another job, will only help so much. I am never going to be rich and famous, and I am fine with that. I just wish that things were easier for us.

Step one

From Kim & Kraig plus Kate

In my attempt to become a better person. I turned to a source that has always lead me in the right direction. I turned to the Ensign. In this months Ensign President Monson had written an article called "Living the Abundant Life".
In this article he states: "At the advent of a new year, I challenge Latter-day Saints everywhere to undertake a personal, diligent, significant quest for what I call the abundant life—a life filled with an abundance of success, goodness, and blessings. Just as we learned the ABCs in school, I offer my own ABCs to help us all gain the abundant life."
His "A" is a Positive Attitude. Lately I have been having such a hard time having a positive outlook on things. The reason is because of all the things that keep coming up. Things keep happening. All these things seem to have started shortly after Kate was born, and they keep piling up, and it seems as though we are never going to get caught up. I realize that some of this is me getting caught up in myself, but I will be doing another post on that later. President Monson says "So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference." So I am going to remind myself that everyday.

President Monson's "B" is Believe in Yourself. He states "Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do. Believe in yourself and then live so as to reach your possibilities." Now this I have had issues with since I was a kid. Mainly because of all the negative things what were repeated to me day in and day out by my dad. I am doing better with this, but it is still hard, even after all these years my dad's voice is still the loudest one I hear. (Which just goes to prove words can hurt, so be careful what you say to others.)

"C" is Face Challenges with Courage, saying "C is for courage. Courage becomes a worthwhile and meaningful virtue when it is regarded not so much as a willingness to die manfully but as a determination to live decently."
This reminds me of the old Young Women's theme (I know it has changed since I was in Young Women's. I don't know if this part is still the same or if it has changed). We will stand as witnesses of God at all times, in all things, and in all places. To me we just need to do what we have been asked, and be who we are everywhere we go.

I am not perfect, I will forget somethings. I will lose patients with myself and others. I want you to know that I am doing my best though.

A New Year

There is so much to say, and so much I would like to express. Things have been crazy for months, and in all reality will probably remain so for a very long time.

Kate is growing like crazy. I often worry about whether she is getting enough to eat because she never seems to want anything. Her go to food is cheese. So when we can't seem to get her to eat anything else we usually end up making her mac & cheese.

A couple of months ago Kraig was called to serve in the Elders Quorum. I believe that this calling will be good for him. However I sometimes have a hard time with it. There are some weeks that they will meet two or three times a week for several hours. This leaves me home with Kate by myself. Sometimes that isn't a problem, other times I am more than ready to pull my hair out by the time I put her to bed.

I am still teaching primary. This year I have an older group of kids than previously. This year I have the 8 to 10 year old kids. So far I enjoy having kids that are old enough to read, and are a little less work at trying to get to pay attention.

Last year flew by, I couldn't believe at how fast summer came and went, and than at how fast Christmas came and went. Now we are a week into the new year, and I am just barely getting to blogging.

I have made a few decisions. This year my biggest goal is to try and be better. I want to eat better, exercise more, spend more time with my family, but over all I want to be the person I know I can be.
I have had a rough few months, and I know things are not going to get better over night, however I know that eventually things will work out. I am grateful for what I have, and I am grateful to know that there are people out there that I can lean on for help.

Something New

I have started a new blog that I will review books that I have read. Here is the link. Right now there is only one review up. I will hopefully have a few up in the next week or so.